Disagreements in the workplace are of various sorts. One with a particularly high risk of harm to your career involves arguing with a coworker about how to perform a task, achieve an objective, or manage people. Such a disagreement can disrupt or destroy important personal relationships — and with them, valuable career advancement opportunities. You can substantially reduce this danger, however, by following a few ground rules for dealing with difficult coworkers.

1. Know that workplace conflict is different for women

When two men disagree, virtually anything goes — short of bodily harm — and neither man runs a substantial risk of negative consequences. As a woman, you are in a very different situation. You are expected to be accommodating, nice, and warm — not assertive, forceful, and confrontational. Workplace conflict, however, forces you to behave in the latter way, openly violating traditional female stereotypes. As a result, unless you handle these disagreements carefully, you risk backlash—social or economic reprisal.

Therefore, if you are disagreeing with a coworker, remain calm and in control of yourself. Do not raise your voice, cry, show anger, or use the dispute to gain power. You must not become intimidated, but your antagonist and all observers must come away with the impression of you as a pleasant, socially sensitive person, open to reason, and primarily concerned for the best interest of your organization.

2. Think like a parent

Second, if you are a parent, you know that when dealing with an uncooperative 2-year-old, certain sorts of statements only make matters worse. For example, it is simply self-defeating to say, “I am right because I am older (smarter, more experienced, etc.)”; “You’re going to do what I say because I am your mother”; or “You can’t do that because it is not good for you.” Working with difficult people is not all that different. You will never reach a constructive resolution by asserting you see the whole picture and your coworker doesn’t; you have more experience with this type of problem than she or he does; or you are right because you hold a more important position in the organization. Remember: If it won’t work with a 2-year-old, it won’t work with a business colleague.

3. Find common ground with difficult coworkers

A disagreement with a coworker with whom you have disagreed frequently in the past is likely to be less about the substance of your disagreement and more about a clash of your management styles, ambitions, or personalities. Recurring disagreements are particularly dangerous for a woman’s career advancement because they are likely to be seen as battles for power — a type of a battle you never want to be perceived as being in. If you find yourself frequently disagreeing with the same person, first identify the source of the conflict and why you so dislike her or him (because you almost certainly do), and then look for ways to make your styles, ambitions, or personalities complementary rather than antagonistic.

4. Stay calm

Whatever the nature of or reason for workplace conflict, there are a few things you should never do: call names, disparage your coworker’s character, use sarcasm or profanity, or point your finger. Try not to let the disagreement get heated, but if it does don’t storm out of the room, bang a book or your fist on the table, or raise your voice. Calm is good; emotion is bad. If you are angry, it’s hard to listen, and if you’re emotional it’s hard for the other person to hear what you are saying.

5. Tap into your sense of humor

When a disagreement becomes personal — a test of wills, an attack on someone’s competence, or a petty squabble—the risk of suffering a professional backlash is very high. You can keep your workplace disagreements from becoming personal by using one simple technique: humor. When you can interact with wry amusement, not take yourself too seriously, and smile (if not laugh outright) at the maddening, bizarre, and unfair things that happen around you all the time, your disagreements are unlikely to ever become personal.

By bringing humor to bear on difficult and stressful situations, you reduce your negative reactions and increase your capacity to see your adversary’s point of view. Humor allows you to put emotional distance between you, your coworker, and the disagreement. It can also increase your self-confidence and thus, your ability to compromise, offer alternatives, and back down if that is called for.

Remember our top tip for working with difficult people

When dealing with workplace disagreements, focus on making them occasions for new perspectives and insights—not occasions for hostility and resentment.

Our ground rules should help in this regard, but if you forget everything else, remember to keep your sense of humor. It is your career’s best friend — and your most valuable tool in dealing with difficult coworkers.