Women start out in virtually all high-status, high-paying careers in numbers comparable to men (with engineering and information technology the conspicuous exceptions). As they move up the career ladder, however, women are increasingly underrepresented at every rung, with the greatest gender disparity at the senior leadership level. The explanations for this typically involve some variation on “it’s women’s own fault” or “it’s the fault of workplace practices and policies.” But the root of the problem lies entirely elsewhere. Women fall far behind men in their careers for one simple reason: the pervasive gender stereotypes in the American economy and the biases against working women that flow from them. These biases cause the playing field on which women and men compete for career advancement to be sharply tilted against women. To compete with men on equal terms, women need to find ways to compete successfully despite this tilt.

Our goal is to help women do just that by providing two things: 1) detailed information about gender stereotypes so that women — and men — can recognize them and understand their operation and 2) concrete, practical, immediately available communication techniques that women can use to prevent gender stereotypes and the discriminatory biases that flow from them from slowing or derailing their careers.

Gender stereotypes are widespread. We often are tempted to think that the old stereotypes don’t exist anymore— that women are thought to be and expected to be affectionate, sensitive, warm, caring, and friendly, which are qualities that are often called “communal.” Men, in contrast, are thought to be and expected to be aggressive, competitive, competent, forceful, and independent, which are qualities that are often called “agentic.” Sadly, these beliefs are still strongly in play. The danger these stereotypes pose for women is that a person who is assumed to be communal is also assumed to be suited for stereotypically feminine jobs — caregiver, teacher, or assistant — and not for jobs calling for agentic qualities — investment banker, line manager, or CEO. As a result, women are likely to be encouraged into jobs that require warmth and sensitivity, while men are likely to be encouraged to be forceful, competent, and competitive leaders. Not only do these gender stereotypes cause people in control of women’s careers to have a negative view of women’s competence and suitability for high-pressure leadership positions, but gender stereotypes also lead career gatekeepers to dislike, isolate, and trigger negative career consequences for women who exhibit agentic qualities in an obvious and forceful way. This is an example of a double bind. If she conforms to the communal stereotype by being warm, caring, and sensitive, in all likelihood she will be viewed as pleasant and likable but not a leader or particularly competent. If she violates the communal stereotype by, for example, forcefully advocating her point of view, vigorously pursuing a competitive objective, or showing a strong commitment to performance excellence by behaving agentically, she is likely to face social and career penalties. This double bind is women’s “Goldilocks dilemma”: in their careers, women are either too tough or too soft but rarely just right.

To succeed in their careers women must behave agentically, but they also want to be well regarded and liked, which turns on behaving communally. Because both communal and agentic behaviors can have negative career consequences, women often feel they are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

The second part of our approach to help women is to show there are sensible, effective communication techniques that women can use to avoid the Goldilocks dilemma and get it “just right.” The disparity in women and men’s career achievements has nothing to do with women’s ambition, power, or competence but everything to do with the strength of gender stereotypes held by the people who control women’s careers. The first thing women need to do is recognize the gender stereotypes in their organizations and understand when and how these stereotypes operate to hold them back. But awareness alone is not enough. A woman needs to know what to do to avoid and overcome the discriminatory effect of these stereotypes and the double binds they create. The focus of our work and future blogs is to lay out practical and highly effective communication techniques women can and should use to overcome workplace bias. Our firm belief is that women have the ability — right now and just as they are — to move forward in their careers with confidence. Our techniques do not guarantee you career success but they do guarantee you won’t be kept from reaching the goals you set for yourself just because you are a woman.